I get no respect!

[londontami 4]

I have been having so many behavioural issues with Romeo that I finally hired a dog trainer. He is only a year and a half so i am hoping it isnt too late.

But what I have learned from the trainer has kind of depressed me, but I understand why we are having the problems we are having.

there is absolutely no respect.

Because I have been so loving and giving and have set NO BOUNDARIES with him, he thinks he can do as he pleases with no repercussion. Its not his fault! i have completely owned it and i am saddened that i let it get so bad.

I kept telling myself that i did not like a well trained dog because i felt they no longer had their own personality and now i regret those words. he is probably more unhappy than i am - if you dont understand, then try to think of it this way: children look to their parents for guidance, however, they push the boundaries as far as they can go - if the parent does not give them any discipline and lets them do as they please, the child will eventually lose all respect for their parents and end up treating them like crap, they will speak to them like they are garbage - there will be no respect.

that is basically how romeo is treating me. he never listens, he does as he pleases, he regards me as just someone who comforts him and gives him food.

i am trying hard to change this, we are only at week 1 so we still have quite a ways to go. he is stubborn!

Edited May 24, 2013 by londontami

[Marlen 5,860]

Oh yeah, no limits are a disaster. Misha knows only the classic sit, stay, lie down. But, there are rules in the house. And, I set them. So Misha sees my mom as the food source and my father as his play toy. It's not his fault, my mother simply refuses to train him and put limits so, I'm his leader. No worries. It's certainly more difficult if it's been one and a half year with no boundaries but dogs learn to adjust. Good thinking for finding a trainer. He recognized the problem and I'm sure he'll help you a lot. My advice, ask him to sort of teach you how to train your doggie. Practice will help, and he'll show you how to do it right

[Luna 8,676]

Good for you in having the sense to hire a trainer and listen to what you are told! Many people do not.

At 1 1/2 years, Romeo is not too old to learn. It will probably be harder on YOU than it is on him because he's been sitting around waiting for someone to set limits for him. I believe you will see results more quickly than you can imagine and you will both be happier because you have taken this very intelligent step.

Looking forward to hearing about Romeo's "reformation", lol!

[Maggie&toby12 21]

Don't be too hard on yourself! Honestly i know you are upset but think about it like this you spoiled your dog because you love him. You thought you were doing what was best for him and giving him a lot of unconditional love. And now you love him enough to hire a trainer and retrain him and yourself. If you aren't a good pet owner then i don't know one when i see one! I know it will all work out well in the end and in a couple of weeks he will be perfect

[GMA 981]

Bosco has been to training but we didn't get the last 2 lessons which was stay and down. I'm working on those at home but I too have been lax in what I'm really supposed to do. I have vowed to work on everything everyday from now on. He doesn't completely ignore me on commands like sit, come or leave it. We just need to get stay, drop it and down. We also need to work on his jump up on folks when they come in the house and on my grandkids that leave with us. So I will be joining you in this endeavor to get our babies to be good citizens.

[londontami 4]

i never saw his behaviour as a problem until the trainer pointed out that he, a perfect stranger, was getting more respect from him than i was. what a shocker! i never thought of it in this way, i just thought 'it was his personality' and let it go.

the jumping up and biting, stealing my belongings, never coming when called, IGNORING ME - its all the signs. well, its been a week of the new house rules and so far not much change, my trainer pointed out that this is usually where people get frustrated and call it quits. i'm not quitting but it is frustrating!

[GMA 981]

Good on you for not quitting. Now it is a battle of wills. He has been in charge for so long, it is going to take some time to show him that you are now the alpha in the family. Make sure everyone in the house is doing the same things you do so he will see they are getting the commands from you also. Believe me, it is not easy and it doesn't help they our breed has a reputation for being a little harder to train,

[Luna 8,676]

As Renee said, now is the time to dig in your heels and show him that YOU are more stubborn than HE is! I have never seen the dog that can outlast a really determined human as far as training goes. You go, girl!

[JRMMJONES 28]

Prealey is 7 mo and we have resigned to keeping her in her pen longer than before. She gets out for potty, outside play, and inside playtime, but no longer gets run of the house. She was completely being a turd and not listening. Now she downs, and sits. No stay yet. When she is out it is much better. It is hard though. If she bites she goes back in. Then she cries. Barks. Throws a fit. I ignore it, and when she settles down , i talk to her and give attention. I have no idea is this will work. But I hope so. Keep us updated!

[luvmybabies 165]

I hope anyone reading this that has a new puppy sees the importance of setting limits for your puppy. Take your new puppies to dog obedience classes as soon as they have had all the necessary shots. You don't need to keep going with the training if you are not interested in competing but you need basic obedience to know how to raise your dog. You are not being mean to them by expecting them to know basic sit, down, come or stay and how to walk nicely on a leash. I'm sure no one likes their dog pulling them along on a walk? Definitely do not allow your dog to have total control of the food bowl either. He needs to know you are in control of the food and it is you who will decide when, how much and if they can eat so they need to carefully listen to the commands. I have 6 dogs in my home and they ALL listen to me when I give a command. I also break up any fights that break out in the pack as I am "pack leader". Now a few of you who don't know me at all would figure I am a mean, bossy mommy. In fact I am far from that. All my teachers and friends and even my vet has remarked that if they come back after dying they want to come back as one of my dogs. I totally spoil them in material goods and I lavish affection on them. But, I demand respect and they know it.

I am glad you have hired a dog trainer and are committed to seeing this training through. You will be so glad that you took this step. Both you and your baby will be happier.......

[londontami 4]

I hope anyone reading this that has a new puppy sees the importance of setting limits for your puppy. Take your new puppies to dog obedience classes as soon as they have had all the necessary shots. You don't need to keep going with the training if you are not interested in competing but you need basic obedience to know how to raise your dog. You are not being mean to them by expecting them to know basic sit, down, come or stay and how to walk nicely on a leash. I'm sure no one likes their dog pulling them along on a walk? Definitely do not allow your dog to have total control of the food bowl either. He needs to know you are in control of the food and it is you who will decide when, how much and if they can eat so they need to carefully listen to the commands. I have 6 dogs in my home and they ALL listen to me when I give a command. I also break up any fights that break out in the pack as I am "pack leader". Now a few of you who don't know me at all would figure I am a mean, bossy mommy. In fact I am far from that. All my teachers and friends and even my vet has remarked that if they come back after dying they want to come back as one of my dogs. I totally spoil them in material goods and I lavish affection on them. But, I demand respect and they know it.

I am glad you have hired a dog trainer and are committed to seeing this training through. You will be so glad that you took this step. Both you and your baby will be happier.......

THis has been really tough! I hired a dog trainer who only gave us 1 visit and charged us $200. He gave us lots of advice and said he would be available for telephone calls and emails should we need more advice and help. So far, i email and dont get a response for a week some times and when i emailed him last and told him our main problem with Romeo is still a problem and has not gotten any better, he said he would call that evening and we would discuss an alternate 'plan'. He never called. The next day i expected a call first thing, but got an email later in the afternoon telling me he had a scheduling conflict and was sorry he hadnt called. he offered an hour visit when he returned from vacation in two weeks, free.

Frankly i am appalled at this type of customer service. I expected so much more for what I have paid - am i wrong? The initial visit lasted 4 hours and we went over basic stuff like teaching Romeo to respect me by not allowing him on the sofa with me unless i give permission. Teaching him to heel. Teaching him to fetch and return.

Our primary problem and the reason i hired him and paid him $200 was becasue Romeo is chasing one of our cats so much that she has to stay in a safe room most of the time. She can no longer come out and just hang around the house for fear of Romeo chasing her. HIs resolution to this was to bring Romeo into the 'safe' room each day and let them interact and soon our cat woudl start coming out more . . .

Nothing has changed and I am fed up. he still chases the cat, now she does come out a little more but only to just get chased back again.

Did i get taken?

[Marlen 5,860]

If you had needed that kind of advice, you could have gotten it from anyone and I would be the first to tell you all this (basic dog training knowledge, I might be wrong as I can not assess the situation from that far but I'd be basically doing what he's doing (and I might add, for free). No, that is not what a dog trainer should do. Playing fetch is also a great exercise (because the dog learns to come to you when playing) but not the main purpose. Also, the sofa thing is basic knowledge, most dogs that tend to be dominant have to have limits. Misha though doesn't have a dominant bone in his body, he jumps up and I let him unless I tell him "off" and he steps down the sofa. That's why you have to know each dog, his behavior and all that.For example, I can pick up Misha, or grab his leash(gently) and guide him off the sofa or pick him up like hugging him and remove him. My cocker spaniel who thought he was boss would bite me, that was also before deciding enough was enough and I went to a dog training school. He'd ust snap at me and go for my hand. Misha looks at me as if saying "oh, it's cuddle with mommy time, let me kiss you, and goes to sleep in my arms. Even if he's sleeping and you wake him up by picking him up -never-ever do that with any dog, they simply go to snap or even attack mode- he doesn't mind it, his boss(me) is picking him up and taking him whenever he wants) . That's because I raised him with respect, love but also limitation/boundaries. Many said he'd turn out to be problematic because he's from a pet shop but I didn't let that affect me.Now, your problem is the cat...Hm, dogs don't chase the cat because it's a cat, it's a myth. What happens is they see a smaller creature and since cats tend to run, they give chase. He was right in telling you to have arranged meetings of the two but, it's also a learning process. For example, whenever he sees the cat and stays away, give a treat, if you're afraid he'll chase her, always let them meet while he's leashed. I'm not a fan of leashing dogs "just because" but it is helpful in many-many situations. Let the cat roam in the room with Romeo on a leash, so he can't reach her. It's going to take a looong while probably because you didn't teach him to let her be when he was small. Physical correctment is also good, and no don't eat me alive, I don't mean hitting the dog, I mean physically change his body's position for example, make him turn around when he sees her and gets super excited. When the dog is about to chase something, you get to see the signs. He lowers himself, sometimes becomes one with the floor, the he concentrates, staring at her and then he lounges. Stop that behavior before it escalates, preferably before he becomes obsessive and stares at her, turn him around or make him focus on you (hold a treat). You can practice with him with anything that runs, perhaps a mechanical mouse, those small toys for cats. A tag on the leash, a firm no is okay. It would be good if he knew the command 'sit' and did it every single time, without fail. It's the basic knowledge and I'm doing it with Jolie who's only 3 months old, they also both wait for their food, or they don't get treats unless they sit down and stay that way for a couple of minutes. Always treat a dog that's calm and not anxious or else you're feeding their anxiousness. First master the basic commands or at least the 'sit' command (and the 'stay' also) and it's going to take a while. It's a lifeguard in training dogs. You could give the command to Romeo when he goes to chase the cat.

Anyway, your "trainer's approach was 'bleh'.(Did he tell you to practice in various places like first at home, then while on a calm walk and even in a crowded park? Did he advise you on what treats to give or when to treat a dog? How about suggesting a group meeting if he has other clients? How about walks, did he tell you how to help Romeo not to pull his leash? etc) A 4 hours session was bound to agitate Romeo and not solve many problems, plus he's inconsistent in keeping a check on him and dog training just doesn't happen over the phone. Or, it does happen when the trainer actually keeps his word and asks/cares for the dog's progress but still he has-has-has to watch the dog's progress as he's supposed to be the one to decipher your dog's behavior. Sure, trainers are not miracle workers but they recognize problems relatively easy, assuming they know something about canine behavior. You spent 200$ on something not really helpful (since you haven't seen a real improvement) and I always feel sad whenever I spent money like that but, I always say to myself that 'it was an experience 'albeit a pricey one' and I'm never going through that again. For me, the advice about the couch and the fetch play should have been given over the phone, he should have shown you other, more crucial things or at least visit you again, because you paid a lot for just one visit.

Erh, I'm notorious for long posts and maybe I should have sent you a pm but I thought others might want to read this as well. Should you need anything send me a pm, I'm no magician or claim to be a genius but I might be able to help, even just a little bit.

[GMA 981]

Markella has given you some excellent advice. You have to be committed and dedicated to the training in order to get the results you desire and yes discipline is part of the training. Your pup expects you to give in and that is what you must not do. I am constantly working with Bosco on basic commands like down and drop it. As for chasing the cat, you may have to do what I have to (need to) do when someone comes to the door. When you take him into the safe room or let the cat out, have a leash on him in the sit position and when he tries to chase, pull him back with the leash and give a harsh no and the sit command. You should also praise and or treat when he does what you want him to do. Do it several times until he knows that chasing is an unacceptable behavior. When he stays in You have to be consistent and repetitive. It won't be long before he realizes that you mean business.

Edited June 18, 2013 by GMA

[HelloTina 6]

I don't know if these guys are located around your area but you may want to call and see. I worked with them at my vet. He came in to shows us what they can do. We let him use one of our boarders for training. We gave him the hyper crazy run you over lab. Within an hour this dog knew sit down and stay and come I know a lab it's a big down compare to a shih tzu but there way of training problem child's works. They do sessions and guide you. http://www.lorenzosdogtrainingteam.com/

[londontami 4]

If you had needed that kind of advice, you could have gotten it from anyone and I would be the first to tell you all this (basic dog training knowledge, I might be wrong as I can not assess the situation from that far but I'd be basically doing what he's doing (and I might add, for free). No, that is not what a dog trainer should do. Playing fetch is also a great exercise (because the dog learns to come to you when playing) but not the main purpose. Also, the sofa thing is basic knowledge, most dogs that tend to be dominant have to have limits. Misha though doesn't have a dominant bone in his body, he jumps up and I let him unless I tell him "off" and he steps down the sofa. That's why you have to know each dog, his behavior and all that.For example, I can pick up Misha, or grab his leash(gently) and guide him off the sofa or pick him up like hugging him and remove him. My cocker spaniel who thought he was boss would bite me, that was also before deciding enough was enough and I went to a dog training school. He'd ust snap at me and go for my hand. Misha looks at me as if saying "oh, it's cuddle with mommy time, let me kiss you, and goes to sleep in my arms. Even if he's sleeping and you wake him up by picking him up -never-ever do that with any dog, they simply go to snap or even attack mode- he doesn't mind it, his boss(me) is picking him up and taking him whenever he wants) . That's because I raised him with respect, love but also limitation/boundaries. Many said he'd turn out to be problematic because he's from a pet shop but I didn't let that affect me.Now, your problem is the cat...Hm, dogs don't chase the cat because it's a cat, it's a myth. What happens is they see a smaller creature and since cats tend to run, they give chase. He was right in telling you to have arranged meetings of the two but, it's also a learning process. For example, whenever he sees the cat and stays away, give a treat, if you're afraid he'll chase her, always let them meet while he's leashed. I'm not a fan of leashing dogs "just because" but it is helpful in many-many situations. Let the cat roam in the room with Romeo on a leash, so he can't reach her. It's going to take a looong while probably because you didn't teach him to let her be when he was small. Physical correctment is also good, and no don't eat me alive, I don't mean hitting the dog, I mean physically change his body's position for example, make him turn around when he sees her and gets super excited. When the dog is about to chase something, you get to see the signs. He lowers himself, sometimes becomes one with the floor, the he concentrates, staring at her and then he lounges. Stop that behavior before it escalates, preferably before he becomes obsessive and stares at her, turn him around or make him focus on you (hold a treat). You can practice with him with anything that runs, perhaps a mechanical mouse, those small toys for cats. A tag on the leash, a firm no is okay. It would be good if he knew the command 'sit' and did it every single time, without fail. It's the basic knowledge and I'm doing it with Jolie who's only 3 months old, they also both wait for their food, or they don't get treats unless they sit down and stay that way for a couple of minutes. Always treat a dog that's calm and not anxious or else you're feeding their anxiousness. First master the basic commands or at least the 'sit' command (and the 'stay' also) and it's going to take a while. It's a lifeguard in training dogs. You could give the command to Romeo when he goes to chase the cat.

Anyway, your "trainer's approach was 'bleh'.(Did he tell you to practice in various places like first at home, then while on a calm walk and even in a crowded park? Did he advise you on what treats to give or when to treat a dog? How about suggesting a group meeting if he has other clients? How about walks, did he tell you how to help Romeo not to pull his leash? etc) A 4 hours session was bound to agitate Romeo and not solve many problems, plus he's inconsistent in keeping a check on him and dog training just doesn't happen over the phone. Or, it does happen when the trainer actually keeps his word and asks/cares for the dog's progress but still he has-has-has to watch the dog's progress as he's supposed to be the one to decipher your dog's behavior. Sure, trainers are not miracle workers but they recognize problems relatively easy, assuming they know something about canine behavior. You spent 200$ on something not really helpful (since you haven't seen a real improvement) and I always feel sad whenever I spent money like that but, I always say to myself that 'it was an experience 'albeit a pricey one' and I'm never going through that again. For me, the advice about the couch and the fetch play should have been given over the phone, he should have shown you other, more crucial things or at least visit you again, because you paid a lot for just one visit.

Erh, I'm notorious for long posts and maybe I should have sent you a pm but I thought others might want to read this as well. Should you need anything send me a pm, I'm no magician or claim to be a genius but I might be able to help, even just a little bit.

thank you marlen - that has been most helpful.