MONDAY 14th Mar: HELP!!! Emergency!!! Help!!!
Oh Aunties! Help! I need your help!
We went up to bed last night as usual, and Dad put us in our pen. And Mum went to do her stinky balthroom stuff *! - Mum interjects here to point out that 'stinky bathroom stuff' actually means toothpaste, shower gel and body lotion, not the not-so-pleasant bathroom stinky stuff you may have been thinking - !*
Then when she came in the bedroom, she said 'wot is that smell?' and Dad didn't know - but I did! I was stuck in the smell! It was all over MY BED!!! And then it was all over ME!!! And I had to sit in it all night.
You know that Sidney has been limping more? And not been allowed out much? And you know he often snoozes in MY BED in the afternoons? Well he has been fighting! He must have been. Cos he smells of stinky TomCat pee. So he has been fighting a TomCat, or he has been stinking stuff up himself. Then yesterday he came into MY BED in the afternoon and wiped the stink off onto MY BED, and then I got it on me.
Mum didn't find the stink source til this morning when she picked me up to take me downstairs, and she got stink on her clothes, and I still stink, and now there is stink on my DAY BED too!
It is awful, Aunties. My lovely snuggly nice-smelling homely bed is now ruined, and - worst of all - Mum says I need an emergency bath during her lunchbreak. They are going to have to de-stink all the beds, and me.
It is so unfair!
Tara doesn't stink. And Mum says she won't have time to bathe us both today, so it is just MEEEEEEEE!!!
HELP!!!
Sidney:
Honestly, what a fuss and a drama. I am never appreciated, am I? There I am, getting injured in the course of defending my territory, suffering recurring War Wounds, and risking life and limb on defensive manoeuvres against this Young Upstart Invader.
PLUS I came home and I wiped myself clean, and washed MYSELF, so I did not get the Invader's stench onto the BIG BED. I don't smell. No complaints about me stinking up the Big Bed, are there? It takes work, you know.
All helpful and considerate and brave actions, I think you will agree?
And now that pesky Runt is yammering and wimpering because his personal hygiene is so bad that he can't even wash himself.
Sometimes I despair.
Tara:
Is my bed going to get washed too? Cos I would rather it wasn't, if that is OK?
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